High time for HR to Think Positive

This was the 4th time in a month that Aaradhya’s son had fallen sick. The rising pollution level and rainy season triggered bronchitis in her son.  Each time it took atleast 3 -4 days for her son to recover and she could not focus on the strategic project which she was working on. As a Manager it was not just her work which was getting impacted but the whole team’s work was suffering. The Business Leader was concerned about the project progress and discussed it with Shakti, the HR Business Partner (HRBP). 

What should Shakti as an HRBP do? Should she wear the hat of an Administrative Expert and check the number of leaves Aaradhya is left with? Should she act as a Change Agent and worry about the example which will be set in the team if they gave too much flexibility to her? Should she think like a Strategic Partner and evaluate the impact on business due to her absence? Or should she become an Employee Champion and consider how best can she keep a HIPO such as Aaradhya engagaed?

The daily dilemmas of HRBPs are not easy. In this age of VUCA, there are no chances that it is going to get any better soon. So how do we ensure that HRBP is equipped to address these dilemmas effectively? 

Meaning of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is a mental attitude in which one expects good and favorable results. It is a process of creating thoughts that create and transform energy into reality. A positive mind waits for happiness, health and a happy ending in any situation. 1 

Power of Positive Thinking 

Research has revealed that being positive helps in making better decisions even under pressure situations. Not only do positive people maintain a broader perspective and see the big picture but they also cope with stress better. Positive psychology is gaining popularity in the workplace because it is seen as an effective way of cutting stress, boosting morale and improving productivity.  It is high time for HRBPs to think positive and facilitate employees to do the same to create high performing and highly engaged organizations. 

By being positive HRBPs would replace their negative thoughts with positive ones and focus on how a situation can be addressed more effectively. They would focus on possibilities (WHAT CAN BE DONE instead of WHAT CAN’T BE DONE) and encourage business to do the same. They would be committed to live by the values of organization and support business to choose the same path. 

HR’s contribution to the Think Positive mission 

Recognizing Positive Thinking as a value

The impact of positive thinking on organization success and employee wellbeing cannot be underestimated. The success recipe for many and more successful people is their determination to make a lifestyle around positive thinking. It is thus a natural conclusion to make Positive Thinking as an organizational value to emphasize the importance organization intends to give to it. Leaders should practice positive affirmations, managers should use words that evoke strength and employees should be encouraged to use positive words when talking. HRBPs should set guidelines and processes / systems to enable the same. 

Building talent capabilities

Positive thinking is not sustainable if it is not backed by equipping employees with skills that would help them in responding effectively to work situations. HRBPs should partner with business to conduct regular talent reviews, run leadership development, succession planning, HIPO development, employee development programs. They should regularly monitor the success of these programs and proactively indulge in process improvements. 

Honing feedback giving skills of managers

As a wise man has said, “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” With recent changes in performance management system the need for constructive feedback cannot be over emphasized. The feedback needs to be constructive and future oriented else employees will feel burdened with overdose of feedback. HRBPs not only need to provide periodic behavioral training to their managers but also assess them on how they are faring on this skill. HRBPs need to provide individual guidance to managers in case they are struggling to be positive in their approach. Leaders need to take initiative and set right examples for others to follow.

Promoting Work Life Balance

Introducing employment policies that encourage work life balance for employees can bring real benefits to business. It not only leads to employee loyalty, lower absenteeism, less stressed workforce, improved employee health, lower attrition rates but also increases productivity. HRBPs should encourage employees to spend time on meditation, physical exercise, healthy diet, inculcating hobbies, spending quality time with family. Good habits help people to embrace life warmly and remain focused on work. 

Celebrating milestones

As another wise man has said, “The arts, quite simply, nourish the soul. They sustain, comfort, inspire. There is nothing like that exquisite moment when you first discover the beauty of connecting with others in celebration of larger ideals and shared wisdom.” HRBPs should not only enable high performance but also create a culture of celebration of key milestones in the team. Good work should be appreciated and recognized.  Apart from this special occasions in the lives of employees such as birthdays, anniversaries etc. should also be celebrated. This helps in connecting employees and spreading positivity in the organization. 

Infact, the power of positive thinking can empower HRBPs to perform their multiple roles in ways unimagined before. It is high time for HRBPs to Think Positive. 

The article was originally published in People Matters .

I also write at People Matters . 

The missing link to Employer Branding

Aaradhya was a Sales manager in a very large manufacturing organization for the past 3 years. She was happy with her job and was not looking out actively for a change till she got an opportunity from one of the ‘Great Places to Work’ organizations in the FMCG industry. She was all excited as the recruitment consultant discussed the opportunity with her and spent the whole weekend preparing for her interview. Finally the day of her first interview arrived. The interview was scheduled for 10AM and she planned to return to work by 2PM. However to her surprise, the process did not begin before 1PM, as the hiring manager was attending an important call. She ignored the delay but was worrying about making it in time to her office. The interview went well and she got through to the next round. 

More than a month passed and she did not hear anything either from the consultant or the internal HR. She contacted the consultant and learnt that he had not heard anything from the HR on the next steps. Naturally, she felt hurt and angry but still hoped for some positive news. She entertained her nervous energy by surfing randomly on the internet about the organization when she landed on a companies’ reviews site which contained a database of employees’/ interviewing candidates’ reviews about their organization. As she moved on to the reviews from the interviewing candidates she was aghast to learn about the experiences of the candidates. Majority of candidates who were not selected reported a very negative experience. There was a case when the candidate was informed about getting selected but later he never heard back again from the organization. As she read more and more she turned increasingly negative towards the organization. 

A lot of organizations fail to realize this missing link to employer branding. How amazing it would be if organizations not only try to impress their employees but also the interviewing candidates with their professional behaviour and sound processes. 

A lot of organizations today have carved out a Strategic HR Advisor role responsible for working on transformation projects, process improvements and change management. Such role holders or any HR Process expert could redesign their selection process to cater to this need. 

Roadmap for creating a good candidate experience 

Assess the Current State: Identify stakeholders for process redesign. This would involve few members from the Talent Acquisition team and few hiring managers / managers responsible for conducting interviews. This could also involve someone from the HRIS team. Define the role of each stakeholder. RACI framework usually helps in this. Clarify the purpose and expectations to all the stakeholders and map the current interviewing process along with the stakeholders. Identify disconnects in the current process and possible reasons behind them which could be leading to a poor candidate experience. This is an important step and could throw light on key issues such as lack of preparation of interviewers before conducting interviews, failure on part of Talent Acquisition team to keep the candidate updated with next steps or to share the bad news, lack of an automated process to keep the candidate informed. Prioritize the key disconnects and identify solution for each. While the key aim is to improve candidate experience, one must identify the extent of redesign required in the selection process, just in case there are some more sub-process improvements which could be looked at simultaneously. 

Benchmark best practices: The Strategic HR Advisor or the Process expert should also benchmark with the market on best practices for creating a good candidate experience. This should be done before conducting the workshop with stakeholders. Taking cue from appreciative inquiry, the Process expert could also discuss further possibilities of improving candidate experience with the stakeholders.

Redesign the process: Based on the impact, available resources and other constraints identify the key changes in the existing process and document the new process. Creating a guideline checklist could also help. Do a quick validation with key stakeholders and communicate the new process to all key stakeholders.

Monitor effectiveness: Feedback from candidates who accept the offer on the interviewing experience, Glassdoor reviews could be used as an indicator to gauge the effectiveness of the process. Take necessary steps based on the feedback received. 

The article was originally published in People Matters .

Future of Performance Management system

Performance Management System has undergone a lot of changes in the recent past to effectively translate effort to performance. The old ways of assessing performance have proven to be costly and ineffective. Bell curve alias relative comparison has been observed to be time consuming and often detrimental to performance. Organizations such as Adobe, Accenture, Microsoft and Delloite have adopted new ways of assessing to enhance individual and organizational performance.

Recent Changes

Key modifications in the performance management system include

-Goal setting no longer being an annual exercise but goals being reviewed quarterly / periodically.

-More frequent meetings between managers and employees for setting expectations clearly, sharing feedback and coaching on developmental goals. At least end of the project or quarterly feedback is recommended though the meetings could be more frequent than this.

-Rating team members on managers’ own future actions with respect to the team members is also practiced by few organizations. This solves the problem of idiosyncratic rater affect with managers 

rating employees on their own feelings / intentions rather than rating employees’ skills inconsistently.

-Rating employees on absolute performance rather than using bell curve.

Results so far

Though the results are awaited largely, few organizations have already started reporting the benefits they are experiencing. Adobe has reported a drop in voluntary attrition rate by 30% and an increase in involuntary attrition rate by 50%.¹ In-order to facilitate more frequent feedback and development conversations, Adobe has introduced a system namely “Check-in” as per which managers should have at-least quarterly discussions with their team members. More frequent communication has honed the leadership and communication skills of managers. In-fact, 78% of employees perceived their managers to be open to feedback from them. Adobe has also witnessed promotion of a culture of ownership where employees want to participate in the success story of the organization. 

GE has discovered that the new performance management system has promoted trust between managers and employees – a key characteristic of high performing teams. The new system involves a mobile app called as PD@GE to define near term goals. Summaries of frequent conversations, named “touchpoints” can be captured in the app. GE has also witnessed better results by the use of the new system in the pilot project they have run. 

Encouraged by organizations such as Adobe and GE, Deloitte has also revamped its performance management system to clearly see, recognise and fuel performance. One of the most important actions taken by Deloitte is to request its managers to evaluate their future intentions with team members rather than rating them on their skills. The new feedback structure includes questions such as “Given what I know of this person’s performance, I would always want him or her on my team”. ² This enables managers to take judgement solely on their available knowledge of the team member. While results are still awaited, Deloitte is working towards creating not just a simple but also a rich view of employees’ performance to increase the transparency of the system. 

As per a survey conducted by CEB 43% of organizations are either planning to introduce or open to consideration of new performance management system (n = 296) across the globe while the vast majority of 51% organizations have no plans to do so. Organizations which are planning to introduce are awaiting results from their pilot study while other organizations are awaiting results from organizations which have already implemented the changes.

Way Forward

With greater focus on continuous feedback & development and absolute performance, we are moving towards a more progressive way of assessing performance. In this changing scenario few practices have become more important and need to be relooked / redesigned for successful implementation of the new approach. These include:

Honing feedback giving skills of managers - This has become more important than ever since this is the cornerstone of a culture of continuous feedback.  The feedback needs to be constructive and future oriented else employees will feel burdened with overdose of feedback. Organizations not only need to provide periodic behavioral training to their managers but also assess them on how they are faring on this skill. Organizations need to provide individual guidance to managers in case they are struggling to be positive in their approach. Leaders need to take initiative and set right examples for others to follow.

Facilitating real time feedback – The more data points there are on the performance of employees the lesser the subjectivity in assessing the performance. Organizations should use mobile friendly tools which facilitate providing continuous multi-rater real time feedback to employees. 360 degree feedback helps employees understand how they are perceived in the organization. Organizations should empower employees to initiate feedback. This will build a culture of ownership amongst employees.

The tool should not just provide data but also insights on development areas and track progress on them. Use of Big Data could narrow the gap between an organization’s top and bottom performers by analyzing their daily activities, finding patterns and highlighting the difference in their approach. This will help managers to have more effective development conversation with employees. This will also enable HR to track the quality and frequency of conversations between manager and employees.

Continuous recognition – Continuous feedback also calls for continuous recognition. It has been researched that employees are best motivated when they receive immediate rewards / recognition for their achievements. Coupling continuous feedback with year-end rewards / recognition is not a very effective way of motivating employees. Thus organizations need to redesign their recognition program to support the new performance management system.

This article has also been published in People Matters.

Happiness and Mithya

My Search

 “So I say to you, Ask and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.”

                                          Jesus Christ

Since quite some time I was wondering how I can be happy in life. So I decided to speak to some of my friends and acquaintances on what happiness meant to them. Let me share with you the different views I heard from people.

• “My employees should listen to me and follow me. I am happy when I am in charge.”
• "Happiness is when I am holidaying at a beautiful place."
• "I will be happy when I make it to IIT."
• “I want my children to do well. That is happiness for me.”
• “I have led a fulfilling life and now I want my values to be imbibed by others. That is my source of happiness.”
• “I have been yearning for a baby boy. To give birth to one will be true happiness.”
• “If I am doing something that interests me I am happy.”
• “I will be happy if I find the right job for myself.”
• “I do not know which stream to choose. Not too interested in academics. I will be happy once I am done with my schooling.”
• “I do not know which stream to choose. Not too interested in academics. I will be happy once I am done with my schooling.”
• “I want to make my parents happy. That is how I define happiness.”
•  “I want my husband to accept me. There is no other meaning of happiness for me.”
• “If I get a different boss I will be happy.”
• "I am happy when I watch a good movie."
• "If I can sleep for long I am happy.”

Do you identify yourself with some of these revelations? By the end of my tête-à-têtes I realized that there are so many “wants” we have in our lives and our happiness is dependent on the fulfilment of those wants from situations and people. To look at it differently, for a better future we keep postponing our happiness.

Understanding Happiness

Ironically happiness is all about living in present. As a wise man had said” Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” Happiness is about accepting situations and people the way they are. It is a belief that everything is okay or is going to be okay. As rightly put by a wise woman, “I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.”

The Ghastly Truth

So unintentionally, we drive away happiness from our lives.  This intrigued me to discover what people do intentionally to be happy in their lives. As expected, the paths chosen were different for different people. Some worked very hard, some prayed, some leveraged their network and authority while some were misled in their approach and used negative methods to seek happiness.

I decided to dig a little deeper and see what they did in their daily routines. There were some interesting commonalities in their behaviour. Being in a mad rush, following daily news / television shows, deliberating on the new developments, gossiping, judging people. I inquired from them on how it felt like while participating in such activities.

People confessed that there is a constant sense of being a part of rat race. There is continuous running. Sometimes it is just out of habit. It is difficult to trust others. Amongst too much competition, so many crimes in the city the only person whom you can trust is you yourself. A lot of people especially those who were either home-makers or stayed in smaller cities revealed a constant fear of being judged by the society. News of too many untoward happenings in the city left them feeling insecure.

I further tried to understand how it felt like to be happy. People shared a feeling of lightness in their body and mind when they were happy. They were taken aback when I asked them on the frequency of feeling this way.

By now I was flabbergasted by the gap of how everyone wanted to feel and how they were feeling each day. I have really began questioning this in my mind. Can we only find happiness on the horizon? Is there something wrong with our lifestyle today? Is happiness a myth? How can we as a society deal with this? 

Ray of hope

To begin with one has to "realise" that life is a journey and not a destination. We should strive to be happy not just on meeting our goals but also while working towards them.

As another wise man had said, "Life is not about looking for meaning but creating something meaningful."

Here are 8 habits which will keep us happy and empower us to spread happiness. 

1) Beginning our day with meditation and positive affirmation

2) Planning the rest of our day

3) Exercising

4) Having small, nutritious and frequent meals

5) Saying no to judging others

6) Giving our best 

7) Responding and not reacting

8) Having a good sleep

Magical game

Snakes & ladder, I Spy, Video games.... Games bring such joy in life. Be it a young child or an old man, we all like to play. It comes so naturally to us and connects us with each other. Even when an infant does not know how to talk, it knows how to play. Leave alone others, even nature loves to play. 

We were fortunate to witness such a splendid game in our visit to Lansdowne. Coming from a metro city, we were a group of friends who were keen to experience this beautiful sight.  

Getting up at 4:30 am was ofcourse a herculean task for late birds like us. But the excitement to watch something so phenomenal did the trick for us. 

We observed in front of our eyes, the rising sun playing elaborately with the mountain peaks. Its boundless rays spread themselves across the sky announcing the arrival of the king As it crowned many peaks with its colour palette, it left us second guessing which peak it has chosen to rise from. We had fixed our eyes on one peak when we noticed another peak also getting illuminated. The playful sun chose a third peak to rise from. As it slowly revealed itself, naughty clouds enveloped it and hid it from our view. Gradually the clouds floated away and we could see the full sun in front of us. It was such a magical experience to see the sun painting the large canvas of sky with shades of yellow and orange. 

It has been imprinted in my memory and would stay there for the rest of my life..

Photograph: Courtesy , Umesh Kolhe

Should organizations follow suit and dump bell curve?

Organizations are built to serve a purpose and employees at all levels are entrusted to live that purpose. An effective Performance Management System is a must to translate effort to performance. How performance should be assessed has been an important and sensitive topic ever since organizations came into existence. The recent decision of dumping bell curve by organizations such as Infosys, IBM, TCS, Accenture is another effort to foster performance. While some organizations have gone the new way, many organizations are still contemplating what is right for them.

Whether one should follow the fad really depends on what purpose we expect our performance management system to serve. If promoting competition by comparison is an expectation then bell curve is just the right tool for it. It is an effective tool to look at the misaligned lot annually and bid them goodbye. It also helps in differentiating performance between high and average performers. However this is the tricky part and this is where it creates maximum dissatisfaction amongst employees. In this fast pace world where employees are expected to be involved 24 * 7 in their work, a relative system of performance often demotivates employees who have performed really well on their goals but are penalized for working with people who are considered smarter than them. The problem compounds when employees suspect that performance appraisal is biased. The employees then feel that they are not respected by the organization. This creates disloyal employees and increases the attrition rate of organization. Thus for any organization which uses bell curve it becomes very crucial to considerably reduce the subjectivity that is built around this process. This is certainly easier said than done. Multi-rater feedback system, use of technology can reduce the biases to some extent however they introduce other challenges in the process. It would not be wrong to conclude that a fair appraisal is highly dependent on the fairness of the manager conducting the appraisal. Any influential manager can easily play with tools to suit his ambitions. Bell curve thus becomes very difficult to manage. While we started with the hypothesis that it serves as an effective tool, in depth understanding of the process nullifies our hypothesis. Given the amount of subjectivity managing bell curve introduces and the cost involved if it is not used wisely, it is better to look for an easier system of appraisal.

Mr Jack Welch in defense of the bell curve has said that evaluating people on values of team work will ensure that people cooperate with each other. To begin with, a lot of organizations do not assess employees on values and even when they do, a combination of bell curve and evaluation on team work value at best calls for selective team work. The purpose of performance management system also depends on the culture where it is being used. Indian culture is a relationship oriented culture. A lot of work gets done informally through relationship. Big giants such as Reliance have grown using this as one of their key strengths.

Looking at it from a different perspective, why do we need to wait for an annual process to examine the misaligned lot? Why not set goals clearly with employees and provide continuous formal / informal developmental feedback to them? This of course calls for training managers to give feedback constructively lest this will become another devil ready to stifle effective performance. The process ofcourse should not end at giving feedback rather this should be the first step towards employees’ development. There needs to be a commitment towards development for them to remain aligned to organization goals. Continuous feedback should also entail continuous recognition to keep the employees motivated.

An absolute system of assessing performance is also not free of subjectivity but is an easier system to manage. Accompanied by continuous feedback process, focus on development it will serve as an effective performance management system. Also from a spiritual perspective, it is unfair to compare any too persons as each person has his / her own karmic (actions) account and life story. The best we can do to motivate employees is to respect them for their current “karma” and set them in the right direction.

Enjoying the right way

Speeding cars killing people, policing horse beaten to severe injuries, President rule in Uttrakhand - The newspaper is full of such stories of people misusing their power. Such incidents are not just limited to our country or our society but is a worldwide concern.

The young man driving the premium car is thrilled by speed. The MLA beating the policing horse during a protest by his party is venting his anger on an animal. Centre acting hastily on the slightest opportunity to increase their reign is leveraging the opportunity at hand. But did the young man think that his thrill can bring darkness to lives of bereaved and that he will never be able to make up for it? His conscience will be tainted forever even if he manages to escape punishment. Did the lawmaker not think of his responsibility towards his people while giving in to his frustration? And what about the Centre? With great power comes great responsibility, will the Centre act wisely only when they are pushed against the wall by High Court?

Unfortunately we have lost the inclination to sense other's position today. We are so lost in instant gratification that we jeopardize our own dreams forget about respecting other's point of view. Ironically we lose our inner strength the more we give in to such gratifications. Life can be interesting even when led responsibly but do we have the zeal to discover this for ourselves? Probably when life will push us against the wall. 

Easier said than done

Shakti and Revati were sipping Jaljeera in a hot summer afternoon and enjoying the cool air of the desert cooler. Temperature was soaring high outside and pollutant levels were much above the permissable levels. However, inside it was cool and airy. They were enjoying each other's company watching television.

Ishrat Jahan was again making headlines. The young lady was murdered in a fake encounter case during Congress regime in 2009. Since then she has been in news time and again. She was alleged of conspiring to kill our current Prime Minister Mr. Narendra Modi. Further investigation had suggested that Central Government was aware that she had LeT tie-ups. However ministry as prominent as the Home Ministry had tried to suppress her background. In a way abetting in the conspiracy to murder the emerging leader from the opposition party.

The spicy Jaljeera and Politics were startling both taste buds and mind. "It is really surprising how the Home Minister claimed a few months back that he does not know anything about Ishrat's involvement in LeT" , said Shakti pouring some more Jaljeera from the glossy pitcher which was gifted to her by her best friend Dhara. "Now that there is proof against him, thanks to the RTI filed by Times Now, look at how he is dodging questions", said Revati.

"How conveniently can one say that he needs to go back and see how his signatures are present in the first affidavit as well? Don't we as professionals come prepared with some basic checks before talking to the media? Didn't he check this when he was quizzed in February this year before refuting any awareness about her LeT involvement.", added Shakti.

"There is an even more moot point to be pondered over. Will we as citizens just discuss such issues over our lunch & dinner and then forget it? Do we remain as mere observers when no one takes the accountability? How then will we assure that we have a strong governance?", argued Revati

The deliberation was going on. Both their tummy and mind were hungry. Shakti went to the kitchen to arrange for lunch. Revati wanted to take her mind off the serious discussion they had and was looking for the remote around the sofa. Just then she accidentally hit the pitcher by her elbow and it fell down shattering to pieces. Shakti came inside the room running to find her pitcher strewed over the floor.

Revati gave a nervous smile and told Shakti how the pitcher fell because of the strong circulation of air from the cooler. Shakti was stunned and thought to herself that probably this is the reason why we will never be able to go beyond discussing such issues over lunch and dinner.

Pursuit of happiness

It was drizzling outside and Shakti had opened the window to feel the cool breeze. She was listening to sitar and feeling so light. Much happier than what she felt while shopping or watching a movie. It is so true that some of the best things in the world come for free.

Today, we are living in a different India from what it used to be a generation before. There are more opportunities and choices available with us. The focus is more on living for today than saving for future. More restaurants, different dining experiences, more movies, there is more of everything. The world is becoming a smaller place and tourism is not restricted to within the country. Technology has made things more accessible and we can watch videos, play games, catch up on news through our mobile. News has also grown from mundane updates to breaking news to infotainment. With more and more use of data on mobile and push notifications, we learn about remote happenings almost instantly. The recent boom in e-commerce has not just created an on-line marketplace but also made things affordable through attractive offers. There is no lack of options if we want to pursue any hobby. To sum it up, if we have deep wallets we can get what we want and when we want them.

Yet we see that there is more and more stress today. Our attention span has decreased, relationships are becoming more virtual and temporary, life is becoming more discrete. Probably desires can only create choice, money can only buy comfort, technology can only increase convenience. However happiness comes by positivity - positivity in intent, thoughts and action. It comes by sharing and caring. It comes by being oneself and it stays with a person who wants to live in present, who is determined to focus on good in all situations and all persons. 

Pratyusha's untimely end

I first saw the Ballika Vadhu girl closely in Big Boss show and thought that she was a young, sweet girl who was easily influenced by people. She had no game plan in her mind and came across as a person who was pampered by early success in life.

As per whatever was in public eye she had a good life so it was really shocking to learn about her suicide. If you read her last Instagram posts, it is difficult to believe that she can take such a step. Though one can deduce that she is going through some tough time but she seems to be a fighter who is trying to see things positively. Unfortunately, what this tell us is that the kind of life people portray on social networking sites is not real. It is either fabricated or at best selective.

Yet people today spend so much time virtually and ignore meeting others face to face. We knowingly live in a world of perception and get attached to images. We also live in a world of aspirations and the digital world is just the ideal place to create the myth of a beautiful life.

Perhaps we need to spend more time meeting people, understanding them and creating some lifelong memories.

Read Pratyusha's last instagram posts:
(http://www.filmymonkey.com/tellybuzz/2016/04/01/read-the-last-messages-posted-on-instagram-by-pratyusha-banerjee/)

Finally! Found you..

It was already 7 PM on that fateful Sunday evening when Shakti was almost done with her grocery shopping for the week. She was only left with buying prawns so she decided to keep everything in her car before she went to her favourite fish vendor. Shakti and her whole family enjoyed home cooked prawns with rice every Sunday dinner. 

The shop was very crowded as is expected on a Sunday evening. As she was making the payment, Shakti saw a familiar face in the crowd. She stopped to look closer when the shopkeeper asked her to hurry up as there was a long queue behind her. She searched for change in her purse and quickly cleared her bill. When she hurriedly looked around she found that the face had disappeared. She rummaged around in the crowd but to no avail. 

Destiny had brought her childhood friend in front of her after 20 long years. She had lost all her contact with her childhood friend Dhara but she had still not forgotten their innocent friendship. Shakti had many a times tried to look for her on social networking sites but all in vain. Today all of a sudden, she met her but alas she was lost in crowd once again.

Shakti had not learnt to give up so easily in life especially when it came to someone very close to her heart. So many years had passed and she had so many things to share with her friend. Her marriage, her kids, her social life, her professional life and her personal life.... just so many things... Flashback of all her old memories was in front of her .. as she noticed a droplet of tear falling from her face on her hand. It was time to sleep.

Next morning, her hectic life had begun once again. Sending kids to school, getting ready for her office..But in her spare time she kept thinking how she could meet her friend once again. Days passed and it was Sunday once again. Somewhere she knew what she had to do. She went for her weekly shopping a little early that day and stood near the door of the fish shop keeping an eye on the passer-bys. 

 

She clearly remembered how Dhara and Shakti enjoyed eating fish and invited each other on dinner when fish was served. She just hoped that she finds her friend again. She had waited for 20 long years but it was difficult to wait for these few moments. She did not know whether she will come but she prayed that she does. "Shraddha and Saburi" (Belief and Patience) she remembered the words of the saint and tried to calm herself down. 

She felt a strange sensation in her body and she closed her eyes to gain control. Her eyes opened when she heard her name in a soft, emotional voice. It was Dhara's...

Am I Successful?

Once when I was flying down to Delhi from Hyderabad, I met a gentleman in the plane. He seemed very friendly and we soon started talking. He started sharing why he thinks earning lots of money is very important and being rich is the panacea for everything. He told me that he works with many young minds like me and helps them in becoming successful. Becoming an investor and encouraging others to become one was his secret sauce. Although I could not debunk his idea of being successful I was uncomfortable in using it for being successful on my own.

Only the other day another gentlemen wrote to me explaining why I should not trade-off my time for money. That being successful meant creating systems and selecting the right people to run them. He was encouraging me to be an entrepreneur. This made me wonder once again if this is what success meant to me.

Yesterday, while I was waiting for my turn to see the doctor, I called up my old friend to check how is life treating him. He told me how busy his corporate life was keeping him and that he had reserved weekends and holidays for himself to enjoy the hefty package his organization was giving him. Though sometimes his weekend was also taken away by his demanding job. He had compartmentalized his life into work and leisure days and tried to manage his stress by pursuing leisure sporadically. I started pondering if we really worked hard in our childhood to get this as reward.

While I was lost in my thoughts, the receptionist softly reminded me that it was my turn to go. After the routine check up, I asked my doctor who was a private consultant if she was happy in her job. She told me she had got used to her hectic life. She missed enjoying small things in her life but her profession left her with very little time.

I came back and started finishing the story I had left midway. I felt so light and content penning down my thoughts. It is then that I realised that success is all about meeting your own expectations. It does not necessarily mean living upto the yardstick which society has laid down. It means pursuing a career of your interest, finding time for your hobbies and taking positively whatever comes in your stride. Life is not a bed of roses and there are always some tough experiences which will come your way. Those experiences help in building your character and success is all about learning from these experiences and moving ahead in life.

Why we don't forgive?

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/lewisbsme135524.html?src=t_forgiveness

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/lewisbsme135524.html?src=t_forgiveness

"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this we are less prone to hate our enemies." 

                                                                                               Martin Luther King, Jr

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/martinluth143179.html?src=t_forgiveness

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/martinluth143179.html?src=t_forgiveness

As kids we are taught to have dreams. We are constantly asked which career we want to pursue when we grow up. For many girls the choice is already made and they are groomed to be homemakers. Whatever the choice is we are all taught to chase our dreams. We grow up observing social structure and processes and aspire to attain some positions in our life.

We as humans develop an inherent need to control events and people around us to fulfill our dreams and attain positions in our life. When we see that someone or something is coming in way of our goals or someone is distorting our visualization of future, we get hurt by it. The situation gets worse when we amplify things in our mind and imagine future possibilities of the other person hurting us or tarnishing our image. It thus becomes really difficult to forgive others.

The more we hold grudges, the more it becomes part of our nature. In our minds forgiving others is somewhere related to being lenient and thus there is a fear that the other person could take us for granted. To forgive is to be ready to risk your dreams, your image...

As Mahatma Gandhi said..

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong"

Budget on "29th Feb 2016"

Today is a special day. Not just because it comes after 4 years but also because today our financial budget is released. So is it a budget that lives upto the expectations of this day?

Has the finance minister been able to account for political considerations and yet give us a good budget? The budget rightly focuses on building infrastructure, supporting farmers by continuing the schemes of last government, creating an ecosystem for start-ups, facilitating ease of doing business and increasing investment in higher education. Mr. Arun Jaitley has shown fiscal prudence by proposing to keep the deficit at 3.5 percent of GDP in 2016-17. He has tried to play a balancing act by sticking to the fiscal consolidation agenda and at the same time making a growth incentivizing budget. (The increased projection of revenue is expected from spectrum sale, disinvestment and increase in service tax rate.) Rightly, tax defaulters will be penalized more heavily now with increased focus on governance.

As is expected from a growth focused budget, this budget could increase inflation with the service tax rate increased to 15%. Restaurants, car, gold, travel and other services will now be more expensive. More taxes will be levied from people earning above 1 crore. Withdrawl from EPF after a certain limit has become taxable now. There are talks of doubling the rural income however no clear roadmap has been shown to achieve it. The budget also remains silent on boosting exports, increasing private investment and GST.

All in all, the budget tries to balance between growth and interests of poor. Within the political reality of today, the finance minister certainly had a difficult job in presenting a good budget and he seems to have done a good job at it.

However, if you ask me whether my expectations have been met then I would say that I am looking at a paradigm shift which our governments need to bring in the way they present budget with increased focus on outcomes and not just outlays. It is high time we move beyond good planning and focus on delivery too.

Happiness and Pride

Happiness is when someone clicks a beautiful photo of yours .....

Pride is when you click a beautiful picture of someone :-)

Taking shit

Is it true that if we have to get along with people in life we have to learn to take shit? It is true that we are dependent on each other and we should collaborate. But does that mean we should lead our lives the way others want us to?

Till we as humans do not realize what living in present really means, we will continue to throw shit at others and even if we do not receive the sprinkles of it, we would have certainly wasted our time in preparing the shit. Isn't living in present all about enjoying the moment rather than building expectations for future? Unfortunately, we build expectations not only from ourselves but also from others.We expect others to reciprocate. Fair enough! but does that mean that we define how others will reciprocate?

Gandhiji said that in nature we have enough to satisfy everyone's need but not to satisfy everyone's greed. Our expectations often blind us and we are not ready to see things from others point of view. With time this becomes our nature and we get offended if others do not meet our expectations.

We play all sorts of games with others to make them surrender to our expectations. Even when we are shown other's point of view, we turn a blind eye to it and force our expectations on others. We fail to realize that just knowing others point of view is not appreciating diversity but accepting it is all about appreciating diversity. Instead we try to reinforce our views on others. The other side often has no choice but to either succumb to our expectations or if they resolve to resist them then to keep tolerating our games. To confront them is like starting a war which will cause destruction and nobody seeks destruction. So for any person who believes in herself and does not want war the game of taking shit continues. For our relief, we can slowly get better at the art of taking shit but as long as expectations continue we will have to play this game.

Taking control

Being in charge of things is all about taking responsibility of how we feel.It means that no one else is responsible for how we feel. People can try to hurt us but it is some insecurity inside us which makes us feel hurt. We lose control when our expectations are not being met. Our mind tends to amplify the situation at hand or be afraid of adverse events in future if we do not push too hard or avoid the situation all together as response.

Constantly thinking about events and people who make us feel hurt, imagining bitter interactions and fearing undesirable consequences in the future if we give the other person leeway makes us feel miserable. We thus become puppets in the hands of other people and let them dominate our thoughts and actions.

No matter how controlled we appear, our mind is not at peace when we come across people / situations where our expectations are not met. In the fast and busy lives we lead today, imagine the number of people who make us feel out of control. All this builds up our stress levels and takes away our happiness.

Each time we amplify some situation or ruminate about something, we need to investigate that insecurity in us which is making us feel hurt and see how we can address it. The truth is that nobody can control us till we let them do so.

Being in charge also means that we respect the values of others and motivate them to rise above their weaknesses. If they do not respond favorably to us then we need to reflect on why they are doing so. If it is because their values are different but appropriate then we should respect them for who they are. If it is because they are afraid of changing themselves then we need to show them the right path. Sometimes people will see reason and at other times they will not. We need to understand that each soul has her own journey and there is a right time for everything. With this understanding, no body can hurt us and stop us from taking control!

Breakfast with the squirrel

It is indeed a privilege to sit in my balcony on a spring day and have a relaxed breakfast.

Today happened to be just that day. I was enjoying watching the canopy of trees from my second floor flat. The constant twittering of birds is the only noise I could hear till far except for few planes which keep passing erratically. As I was sipping my tea, I spotted a new migratory bird hopping on the Neem tree. I was seeing a red face bird for the first time. It appeared so beautiful as it was hopping from one tree to another. Now was its playing time. It would have got up much earlier than me and scouted for food.

The peas in my poha added to the taste of the dish. As I savored the preparation, I noticed a squirrel was climbing up a branch of the Gulmohar tree. As it reached the end, it started its return journey. Something in her game, captured my attention and I followed her for some time. Slowly I got lost in my thoughts and diverged from one thought to another. When I returned from my chain of thoughts, I saw the squirrel had reached the branch terminal once again and was getting ready for its downward journey. Suddenly I realized that that is all the squirrel does the whole day. Eating, playing and surviving. Such a simple life!

Even after twenty years if I will see the squirrel, I will pretty much see it doing similar activities. We humans on the other hand learn new things. We not only change ourselves but also alter the environment around us. We have moved away from the "simple" to make things comfortable for us. Yet we are not happy. We constantly keep running after things. Even when we are not literally running, we are running in our minds. It has become so difficult for us to stay relaxed...

Living life to the fullest

When I was in school I thought living life king size meant earning enough to eat whatever you want to, shop wherever you want to and travel around the world. Now I realize that it means much more than that. It means having different experiences which can be both good and bad. It also means being open to the variety of experiences life can give you. This could mean being open to travel in a bus when you can afford to go by plane. It means experiencing birth as well as death. It is also about how you respond to those different situations which life has put you in.

It could mean more exposure to certain events and lesser to few others. Any one who is living her life fully will still be able to relate to what she has not experienced by seeing inter-linkages in two different experiences.

And lastly living life to the fullest means living a life of discipline because that gives you the bandwidth and energy to be in charge of things.

Top 5 things to be done on your maternity leave

Motherhood is a special experience in the life of each women. For young working women it means a lot of things. It is not just an opportunity of rediscovering your childhood in your kid's play but also imparting your values to your little packet of joy. It also means taking a pause from the rat race and re-looking at your plans. For working women, it sometimes becomes frustrating as somewhere your career takes a backseat. The dedication it requires and the social expectations, indeed makes it a very tough job. However, as Facebook CEO, Sheryl Sandberg says that no women should quit if they don't want to.

Here are a few things which you can do on your maternity leave:

Spending time with your baby:

This one will come by default and you have to learn to take few things in your stride. Moms of the newborn experience a sudden shift in the way they have been leading their lives. Sleepless nights, continuous feeding support leaves you with very little energy and sets in boredom in your schedule. If you are living in a nuclear family, then this will hit your harder. However just when things are getting out of your control is the time to take charge of things. Indulging in active feeding, creating and sharing albums / videos of your baby’s pics with your dear ones, observing your kid grow each day, singing lullabies, playing new games with your little one and including others in raising her will certainly add memories to your life. However for career women, it is still a challenge to stay indoors most of the time. More than that, many women already start missing out on their work lives. This is why it is important to invest time in yourself and some of the activities shared here will really rejuvenate you. 

Honing your skills: 

While you are away from your workplace and have taken a break from your job, you can still invest in your career. This is just the right time to pick those books which you always wanted to read to understand your function / domain better. Social networking sites have just made it easier to catch up on the latest trends and you can read an article or two even while feeding your baby. And if things work out for you then you can also use this time to do some part time job which you always wanted to. 

Blogging:

If you love writing and have a penchant for sharing your experience with others then this is just the right time to reflect on your experiences and pen them down. Believe me, it provides immense satisfaction to share all those critical learning which life is giving you. 


 
Investing in your hobbies:  

 Remember those childhood days when you had all the time to spend on your hobbies. You can relive some of those memories and spend time doing what you found interesting. This could be the right time to practice new songs, play music, create sketches or do something which you wanted to do since a long time. 

Catching up with your friends: 

All this while, when you were busy with your hectic work schedules and could not find the time to get in touch with your friends you were waiting for just these days to know what all is going on in their lives and share your own stories with them. Also, it is just the right time to catch up on all the gossip which you have missed till now :-)
 



Ofcourse! All this calls for a disciplined life and an ability to multi-task. You would have to abandon few of these activities mid-way if your kid is looking for you and then pick them up again later. But that is what makes this even more exciting. Above all, your kids learn far more by seeing you and you will set the right examples in front of them. Developing the habit of sleeping at night in your baby and then following her sleeping pattern will keep you in charge and make your maternity much more interesting for you.